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Tuesday, September 30th, 2003
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9:23 pm - AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
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I hate the damn Vortex!!!!!!! Dammit, why is it everytime I try to have a more positive attitude, and berate myself for not working hard enough to be understanding and cooperative, I have a day like today when the FUCKING Vortex strikes back!!!!?????!!!!!????? I am so upset right now, and there's not enough wine right here at Mike's to make me not want to carve up the Pumpkin right now!!! Stupid dumb... Not to mention the ass-backwards way EVERYTHING gets done around here with, I'm sure, the best of intentions. And why do the best of intentions here not correspond with common sense?????? OK...maybe starting to feel better. Not like completely ripping Pumpkin's head off tomorrow...maybe just smashing in his kneecaps with a tire iron. Hm, note to self: buy tire iron before class tomorrow.
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| Thursday, September 11th, 2003
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5:45 pm
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One day, I will actually have to time to go forth and search for the car that will become mine...one day. Until then, I am reduced to wishing on ebaymoters. It's fun. Although, as Mike says, buying a car without test driving it = bad idea. He's right, I know. I just wanna get this car and start paying for it already. Sheesh! On a brighter note, I'll be at the theater tonight until about 11:30. Oh, wait..how is that a brighter note? Hm, I'll have to get back to you on that one. But I have free time tomorrow from 2 til 7!!!! 5 whole hours of what-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do-with-myself? Another one I'll have to get back to you on. Anyways...naptime calls.
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| Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
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9:02 am - National Talk Like a Pirate Day
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If you guys have seriously not updated your calendars anytime recently, then perhaps you are not aware that National Talk Like a Pirate Day is just around the corner! Aye, me mateys, NTLAPD is September 19!!! Whether you love Pirates of the Caribbean, or just have a hankerin' to have a parrot on your shoulder that shouts "Walk the Plank!", make sure to remember September 19 as your day to be a scurvy dog. Make sure to check out the official NTLAPD website: www.talklikeapirate.com It gives a lot of help with pirate lingo; there's even an English-to-Pirate translator that I highly recommend! It will have you saying in no time: "Avast, matey! Know ye th' Scull & Scuppers? I've a fierce fire in m' belly to swill a pint or two o' grog!"
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| Sunday, September 7th, 2003
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3:10 pm
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I am so tired, I can't even remember what day it is. I was making so many stupid little mistakes at Macaroni Grill this morning. Like starting the coffee going, but not putting the coffee pot underneath to catch said coffee. And selling wine to people in Georgia on a Sunday before 12:30 = bad Charlotte. And I gotta be back there at 6. Today was supposed to be the day where I get to go look at cars. I need to find a car to get. Still not even sure what type of car. I just want one that runs well, doesn't need fixing too often, and is between 3 and 5. Oh, and I want a 95 or later. Not too much to ask for, huh? Anyways. At least the weather is a nice surprise (the coolness, not the rainy gloom). But I'd much rather be enjoying the weather at home (or really at Mike's) instead of from inside Macaroni Grill.
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| Friday, September 5th, 2003
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5:13 pm
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So today at the ballet, they had this counseling session scheduled for all of us. It was kind of a mandatory thing. I ended up being less than 15 minutes late, but apparently, that was too bad. Apparently, this thing is a "seven-step program" where I can't interrupt once they've started. Whoopadeedoo. At least I'll get a nap instead.
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8:49 am
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I'm not sure how much longer I can continue to fully function on about 6 1/2 hours of sleep a night. I'm so ready to only be working 3 jobs again. ;) I'm very sad to have to miss First Friday tonight, especially with whatever BTM's got cooking. Paula says she'll try to come rescue me from tedious Carousel boredom at the Imperial. I hope that I can get out for a few minutes. Well, on to another fun-filled day of work, work, work.
current mood: tired current music: The hum of Mike's glowing computer
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| Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003
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8:49 am
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Well, finally tonight, I have my one night off. yippeee!!!!!!! I'm gonna go shop for cheap cars. I need one. I've been using Mike's for a few weeks now. So time to have my own and give him back his car freedom. (Mike rocks, by the way) And on a side note, I love rehearsing until 10:30 in the pm. Makes me happy. NO really, it does. Seriously. ;)
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| Friday, August 29th, 2003
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10:40 pm - Gotta love the squirrel joke
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| Thursday, August 28th, 2003
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9:02 am
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Sleep is good. It's one of those things you can never get enough of. Like pie. Ok, that one was for Mike. I'm more of a gummy bears kinda girl. Ooooh, just remembered there's a Dove ice cream bar in the freezer.... MMMM... I'm sitting here at Mike's computer (one of his many) trying to decide whether or not I've been a good enough girl to deserve a coffee run this morning before ballet class. I don't know. I should've ice-d my feet last night, but I didn't. Does that deserve negative coffee punishment? What did the coffee ever do to me? And I shouldn't even mention how I haven't even set up my apartment yet. Ick. That place is still such a dump. Needs extra-super cleaning before I can even unpack. But I did have fun last night. Does that count as deserving a reward? Ok. Coffee here I come.
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| Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
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3:46 pm
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Ballet's a bitch. All my bug bites itch. Really hate sunburn. When will people learn: That sorry is empty- And Love and Pain Are unending.
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9:20 am
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I'm tired today. I know that's such a redundant statement considering how all of us have felt this past week and still feel. This is what I get for being a slack ass this summer and only waitressing, not wearing pointe shoes.
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| Monday, August 25th, 2003
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2:10 pm
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well, i just tried to figure out how to get a picture for my account, but it didn't work. i'll just have to wait for my computer nerd to help. :) smashing things last night helped somehow. maybe it was just being over there and wearing his shoes. i did look like a clown. well, today is the day we drag my car into the shop to make it work again. damn bitch of a car. had carousel rehearsal today. felt like a dork. i've never done anything like that really. last time i was in a play/musical was back in high school. where everyone felt like a dork. should be fun though. the director says "we'll just have to make you more northeastern". i say duh. i'm a southern girl and proud of it. we'll see how i get the whole 15-year old thing down. i think they're gonna make me dye my hair back to blonde. someone said the other day that they couldn't see me as a blonde, and it took a second to realize no one here has seen me blonde. and hardly anyone from college would recognize me as a reddish-brunette. funny how that works. i know i'm rambling, but it feels good.
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| Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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1:53 pm
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I hate the reason why I feel I need to write in this today. I haven't touched my account in so long due to high drama involved, and now I have to. Right now is the first time I've been completely by myself since we lost him on Saturday. I can't stop crying. I just keep thinking about our last conversation out there in the water. I was making fun of him not really being able to swim, and then he was like, oh watch this, and he showed me he'd learned to dog paddle and to swim a bit. I remember the huge fucking smile on his face; he was sooooo proud of himself and so was I. I just wanna go back and tackle him and make us all get out of the water and go and grab lunch up at the house. At work today, all I could keep thinking was that Jaime should be showing up late at any moment for class. That he should be there to make jokes and to laugh at the splint on Rah's arm and pull my pigtails and make fun of me just like he always did. Jaime's been my brother since before I even arrived here in Augusta. When I was looking for a place to live, Zanne, our boss, gave me Rah's # to call. Jaime picked up and said that Rah was sleeping but could he help. So I explained who I was, and I remember hearing the excitment in his voice telling me that he was also in the company and he couldn't wait to meet me. We ended up talking long-distance for over a half hour. When I did finally get here to Augusta, I really knew no one and I didn't have a car. Rah and Jaime were leaving the next day to go out of town, but Jaime supplied me with a list of numbers to call if I needed anything, promising me that these people that I didn't even know would love to help out. Of course, I now consider all those people close friends, and I'm dating the first one on the list (something Jaime had planned from the beginning). I miss my big brother. I want to sing musicals with him and annoy Rah, I want to plan song and dance numbers to do with him for BTM. I wanna get trashed and go out dancing. I wanna watch Eddie Izzard and hit him with an ironing board. I wanna roll my eyes and say Jaime, that was such a bad joke! I wanna hold Rah's hand and be able to tell her that everything is gonna be ok. But if you've ever gone through something like this, you know it's not. I prayed to God for two things out there on that beach. The second was for a miracle. Jaime deserves some sort of miracle. I'm still waiting to see how that's gonna turn out. I love everyone in my life. I hope they know that. I love you Jaime. Please watch out for all of us down here. We need you.
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| Thursday, February 13th, 2003
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1:02 pm
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Sure, why not, I'll Update Journal. Anything is better than using my time wisely and cleaning my apartment. I think performance time and messiness and the lack of desire to care about aforementioned messiness go hand-in-hand. At least there is sunshine. Sunshine makes me happy. I think I should've been born a plant. Set my alarm for 6:30 am this morning, and fortunately, I just happened to wake up and glance at the clock at around 7. Perhaps next time the alarm will function better if I set it and also turn it on. Crazy how technology works that way. Think I'll take a nap and try out my new-found alarm turning-on skills, before I have to traverse the highways back to Aiken for more Romeo and Juliet rehearsals... Can't wait for our week off...
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| Thursday, January 30th, 2003
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3:02 pm
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Go Figure. I took that what color are you quiz, and I'm, yep, you guessed it: PINK. Some things are just destined to be.
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| Friday, January 17th, 2003
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11:25 pm
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Don't know what to say. Sometimes I wonder if i ever do. Ever think that precisely after you say something profound? I want to be profound. I desire it. Desire. What is it like to know everything you desire? To really KNOW. Must be something like learning how to make it happen. Please let the two go hand in hand. I don't know if I can survive two separate quests--finding THE path right now is enough.
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| Sunday, January 5th, 2003
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8:17 pm
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Back in Augusta... How do I feel? Weird. I definitely feel weird. Baton Rouge left me with an odd taste in my mouth. Some very good experiences mingled with some bland ones and spiced up with some awful ones. Is this what it feels like to grow up? To realize that where you used to call "home" will never truly be the same place as you mean the word, while still knowing that it will always pull at your heart? Thank goodness for the people in my life that matter. You are always my anchors. Good to be back in my place, my apartment, my space-to be kept and not kept as I see fit. To be where I have a car at my disposal to take me and not take where I want to be. That part of "growing up" has become quite comfortable. I know I'm rambling, but that's all a part of how I feel currently. A mish-mosh of emotions, all aswirl (in a random pattern? probably not.) Jess, honey, I'm feeling your pain. Damnation to being sick.
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| Wednesday, January 1st, 2003
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8:00 pm - GO SOONERS!!!
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Ladies and Gentlemen!!! Boys and Girls!!! Gather round to hear a tale of conquering heroes! That's right--the OU Sooners beat out those pussies from Washington in that beautiful bowl game tradition of the Rose Bowl!!! WHOOHOO!!! Happy New Year!
Oh yeah, and I had a dacquiri with Mom today.
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9:28 am - Stupid
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Sometimes it's stupid to care. Stupid to get hurt because you do. It's stupid to feel the pain, to feel anything. Cause then you usually end up hurting. And you only have yourself to blame. Since you did it to yourself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Happy Fucking New Year's...this one's started out well...gotta love a hangover.
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| Tuesday, December 31st, 2002
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2:10 pm - New Year's Eve
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Well, tonight at midnight, all across the world, people will celebrate the advent of a new year--a new beginning. Somehow, though, this person can't seem to get into a celebratory mood. Maybe it's just cause I don't have fantastic plans to look forward to, or maybe it's just that I don't see January 1st as a true beginning... I mean, with my life, it's the middle of the ballet season. So I guess I'm going to hang out with friends and shoot off some fireworks and probably feel like falling asleep by 1 am, party girl that I've been lately. Am I a little depressed? Maybe. My moods here in Baton Rouge have pretty much run the gamut of emotions since I arrived. This is really the first time since I left for college that I've truly been ready to get back to where I'm living, to get back to my life. Oh well. I know that I have no answers. Perhaps all I need is a nap. Happy New Year's Eve, everybody...
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